I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
