If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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