bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
