The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
