So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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