talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
