We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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