I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
