Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
