At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
