So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Congratulations! We have a period
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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