if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
