this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
