She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
