apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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