M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
