Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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