I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
