She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
