There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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