Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
