I got chris browned last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
