just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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