You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
