butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
