She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
