When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How does one acquire holy water?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
