felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
