Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
