im drinking this country out of the recession.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Boobs are out for the taking
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
