To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
