She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
