just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
