Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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