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either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
