Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
