i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
