woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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