Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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