I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
