Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I didn't notice because vodka
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
