I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
