what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
please come you make the beer taste better
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
