ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
