Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
