I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
