i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
