when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
