I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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