operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize