My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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