I think I just saw someone hide a body.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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