WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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