I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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