YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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