mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
