he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
