I want to make a zoo with you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
