i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
