I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
