im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
