He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
