I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
