where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
