i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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