doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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