Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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