Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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