Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
