Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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